I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
