i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
