Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I didn't notice because vodka
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
