This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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