At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
