dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
