Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
