Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize