Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
