So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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