but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ttyl tear gas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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