I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
