Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
