Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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