Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
