Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
