theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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