I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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