Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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