Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
