Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
