If i come over, it means nothing
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
