I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
