her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
