i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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