we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In other news, I just burned my penis
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
