i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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