May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
