drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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