To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
