Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
