dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
