After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
