Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
