No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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