so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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