I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
