The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
