I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All the doctor said was why
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
