I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
