hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know her cup size but not her name....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
