john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
