Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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