happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize