just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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