Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
