Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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