I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
