now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
