Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
