it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
