I heard we made out
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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