I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
