New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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