I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
