I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
