i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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