So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
