Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
