Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
