I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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