Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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