I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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