I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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