Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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