dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
