im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
