Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
