Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
