Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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