Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
