Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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