Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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