OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
time to smoke my breakfast
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
