Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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