I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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