Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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